I cried today because I felt alone and I missed Rick. I cried today because I miss Lindsey and she died 10 years ago next Tuesday. I cried today because I needed my mom to talk to. I cried today because there is a monster taking over our world and we feel out of control. I cried today because I miss my family and friends. I cried today for a young mother who lost her husband and the father of her children. I cried today for friends that are facing a similar situation that Rick and I were facing this time last year. I cried today for all the children missing school and missing their teachers and looking at their overwhelmed parents for guidance. I cried today for those on the front lines of this Pandemic. I cried today for those behind the scenes trying to keep the world turning. I cried today for those that have lost hours and jobs and aren’t sure if they will make it. I cried today for the businesses, large and small, that are either closed or struggling trying to deliver to keep from losing everything. I cried today for all our leaders, top to bottom, trying to slay the monster. I cried today because I needed a big fat hug and couldn’t have it. I cried today and then I prayed…

I looked up at the sky and prayed for my world and my leaders and their families. I prayed we could support each other and help each other through this crisis. I prayed for strength as I face this time of year alone. I prayed my family and yours would stay safe and healthy. I prayed the anger and discontent from a few weeks ago would be replaced with grace and compassion for others. I prayed we would be better when this is over. I prayed we would be more appreciative of the little things, like time with family and friends, food in the stores and pantries and simple things like sending our children off to school or having dinner in a restaurant. I prayed we would learn more about ourselves and what’s really important. I prayed we would survive.

I thought life could not get more difficult, but it has and in a way I could have never imagined. We have lost our life as we know it. We have lost our feelings of safety and security. Many have lost loved ones and there are many more to come. Most of these people lost the privilege of being with their loved ones at this crucial time and weren’t able to even say goodbye or hold their hand. Some may lose everything they have worked for, leaving them no choice but to start over. Some may resort to unhealthy ways of dealing with this loss. This, my friends, is what grief is all about. It is the loss of the familiar, the normal, the expected. If you have never had a major loss in your life, you are experiencing one right now. Embrace your feelings and grant yourself grace to feel what you feel. No need to apologize for being overwhelmed, because you are in the company of millions. We are scared and that is the bottom line.

As millions walk the maze in the coming weeks, it will be at a distance, doing the right thing, sending the right message. We are together although we are apart. We can’t leave the maze now anyway, so let’s just try to help each other figure out how we can make the best of a bad situation. Share ideas, check on friends, use it to make connections, old and new, enjoy unhurried time with your kids, look at pictures, change your furniture around, play board games and do it apart together. It is my sincere hope that when all is said and done, we will better understand the importance of connection and truly appreciate our freedom and opportunities. Maybe this is a wake up call.

I cried today…and then I prayed…

18 thoughts on “I CRIED TODAY…”

  1. Good morning, a very poignant message today. You wrote how everyone is feeling and managing our new lives. I miss you and love you so much. ❤️💕🙏💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carolyn –
    God blessed you with a talent of beautiful writing. I enjoy your posts and share everyone with friends. I have been looking for a quote to get through this life as we now know it.
    You nailed it – “It’s ok to cry but then you need to pray”.
    Much love to you my beautiful friend.
    Thank you for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So beautifully written and the words many of us feel at this time. You continue to give hope and encouragement. We will get thru this with help from each other; we will never be the same, but with God’s help, we will be better! Love and hugs to you, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You write like from my heart..
    I cannot presume to know exactly what goes in your life but its stunning how we are of different continents and feel the same pain.
    ” I cried and then I prayed….”
    Deep, blessedly powerful. I wish you every smile and a big warm sister hug


      1. One that’s being hit by serious effects of the virus, India. Thankyou for responding. We just finished our family prayer and I prayed that God would give you the biggest hug.


      2. Yes we are. Thank you🙂. There are scary thoughts, the world has gone very silent. Praying wisdom for all leaders and joy for every home, no matter what. We’ve been thru a few challenges over the years, if you see my blog youd know. The skin gets a little toughened. But one is never prepared for the next wave, and this one is humongous, esp for a country like ours, this diverse and layered.
        Not to upset you.
        Trusting you have a good day/s.


      3. Not upsetting, just honest. It is a time that we are all equal, money and status doesn’t matter, fame and fortune doesn’t matter, we are all equally affected. It’s like a bad dream I keep hoping to wake from. Praying we all work together for the same goal.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yea, a bad dream that doesn’t go away. Here it’s a serious 21 day lockdown on Bangalore City, the south of India, with dire warnings of the explosive virus. As of now its quiet here except for restricted shopping, no visits, no noise. We are a family of five; glad for the company but above all glad that we can pray, and for each other. We have a small fellowship, our daughter began 2 years ago, spec for non- churchy people. Today, it’s gone online. The mysterious ways of God. Will send you link if ever you’d like. Oh it’s all over my blog. I’m a basic mom, paint when I can, blog.
        Didnt mean to go on, but so uplifting to hear of folks like you who pray and love others so deeply .
        Thankyou for being such a light.
        Its wearying depressing, but no place like prayer.
        Thankyou for reminding me.


      5. I think this is how we will survive all this, through connection. I was married 46 years and last year my husband died after a very brief illness. I lost a daughter at 29 in 2010 and thought that was the worst and it was, but now my best friend. I am also a nurse so have many friends on the front line. We are in a Stay at Home order so businesses are closed. My heart breaks for our world💔I can’t wait to read your blog.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. 🤕wish I could heal that kind heart of yours; cant imagine how you must hurt. I lost both my parents few years ago, they still haven’t left me. I live a simple life, have a few complications… our youngest, son, is blind, recovering from post seizure meds’ side effects > serious aggression. That’s a lot of words. I wake up early just to try process, kneel at the throne room, worship. Thank Him for just being there, no matter what. His comfort is so relevant, real, or I wouldn’t feel peace. I sense that peace in you and it comforted, in the mysterious way God always does. Out of the blue. Quietly.
        I’m talking too much🤗
        Just want to say, you’re a blessing to more than you might guess.
        Oh be lovely to hv you read my blog, hope you like it.
        Blest to hear from you.


  5. I am April’s Dad, grandfather of Christian. I really liked this piece that you wrote today. I felt like I should tell you. You belong to the club of daily sorrow yet you offer hope. I hope so much that you are right.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. God hears the cry of His people. The psalmist says, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” (Psalm 56:8)
    You have such a beautiful way of offering hope in the midst of darkness. To our God who made everything out of nothingness, I lift our pain and suffering, fully confident that He will carry us to a brighter tomorrow.
    Grace and Peace
    Pastor Steve

    Liked by 1 person

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